The custom of matrilocal residence in marriage of Thai people

Nowadays, the custom of a man moving into his wife’s family home known as custom of the groom living with the bride’s family has all but vanished from modern society. While perspectives on marriage and family have shifted significantly over time, the memories of those who experienced this tradition offer insight into how the Thai people of the past viewed love, responsibility and the maturation of a man before starting a family. Mr. Phin Van Phich, a resident of Tay Son Village in Muong So commune, is one of the individuals who experienced this custom firsthand.

He lived with his wife’s family for three years and still remembers the ceremonial offerings his family prepared for the engagement ceremony including five trays of food to treat the bride’s relatives, along with chicken, alcohol, fish and other gifts. These offerings not only demonstrated the thoughtfulness of the groom’s family but also highlighted how traditional marriage is rooted in the relationship between the two families, unfolding with the witness and participation of their relatives.

The distinctive feature of the matrilocal residence custom lies in the very period the young man spends living in his wife's home. According to records regarding the Thai people of Lai Chau province, this is a time for the bride’s family to get to know and evaluate the young man: whether he truly loved his daughter, worked hard, got along well with the family, and showed filial respect to his in-laws. Mr. Phich recalled that during his early days at his wife’s home, he had to sleep alone in the living room. During the day, the couple worked together in the fields, yet in the evening, they still had to strictly observe family rules and customs. Only after an initial trial period were they permitted to hold the “sharing the blanket” ceremony.

This detail indicates that the custom of a man living with his wife’s family among the Thai people involved specific conventions and cannot simply be equated with the common understanding of a man residing in his in-laws’ home after marriage. This period served not only as a time for labor but also as a process through which the young man familiarized himself with his new family and gradually gained recognition in his role as a husband.

For Mr. Lo Van Do from Muong Mit Commune, the period spent living with his wife's family was also a time for the couple to accumulate savings in preparation for their own independent life. According to him, at the end of each year following the harvest, his in-laws would allocate a portion of their assets for the couple to set aside. Once he had saved enough money to buy a buffalo, he was able to bring his wife to his own home. Everything the couple had acquired during the time he lived with her family from livestock to farming tools would be the assets they took with them when moving to his house.

Nowadays, with changing lifestyles and evolving perceptions of marriage, the custom of the groom moving into the bride’s home, once prevalent in Phong Tho commune has all but disappeared. Young men and women are free to get to know one another; the two families agree on the wedding arrangements, and the bride is welcomed into the groom’s home. Consequently, the conventions that once defined traditional marriage practices have gradually been simplified.

Through the stories of men who once lived with their wives’ families such as Mr. Phin Van Phich and Mr. Lo Van Do, one can gain insight into how the Thai people of the past nurtured a marriage. The young man moves in with his wife’s family, working the fields alongside them and sharing in daily chores, gradually becoming an integral part of the household. When they eventually leave to start a life of their own, they leave behind not only a new home but also a deep, enduring bond between the two families./.